twin peaks, the 400 blows, waiting for godot, and the postman always rings twice are just perfect source material for diamond children’s programming

I should really be doing the stoodious thing, but the puns are too good.

bloody motherfiddling martha

Trousers but no cake on the coed submarine

Today I was introduced to the funny/frightening delights of Conservapedia, which touts itself as a trustworthy version of Wikipedia. It loves Jesus, John McCain, and fighter jets, and hates the gays, Gardasil, and Jilly Cooper (who it exclusively reveals was an active member of S.C.U.M.). It has some particularly useful tips on how to spot a femmynazi:

“Specifically, a modern feminist tends to:

• believe that there are no inherent differences between men and women and that all inequality is the result of men oppressing women
• oppose chivalry and even feign insult at harmless displays of it
• view traditional marriage as unacceptably patriarchal
• shirk traditional gender activities, like baking
• support affirmative action for women
• detest women who are happy in traditional roles, such as housewife, and especially dislike those who defend such roles
• prefer that women wear pants rather than dresses, presumably because men do
• seek women in combat in the military just like men, and coed submarines
• refuse to take her husband’s last name when marrying^“

There are also some very sane and measured opinions on th’abortion:

“In Romania, abortion was illegal under two decades of rule by the dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, and the country enjoyed one of the lowest breast cancer rates in the entire world during that time.”

There is also a very good page explaining a propensity to a variety of exotic crimes and misdemenors extant in academia. They revel in Barack Obama, naturally.